just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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