Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
