If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
