yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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