We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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