Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
