Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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