i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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