I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
