Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
