Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
