no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
