we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
