I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
