You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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