I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
