walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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