I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
