Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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