what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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