I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i came on her dog
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
