Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I need to sanitize my soul.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
