Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
