I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
