zippers are such a cool invention
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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