i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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