Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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