Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Someone shattered a urinal.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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