I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
