STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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