did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
