my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
