Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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