I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
