Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
