Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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