You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize