uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
