Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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