there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
