chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
