I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
