New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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