I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They have beer where we have blood.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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