The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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