he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
