Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
