So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
