So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Two words: blizzard sex
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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