My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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