im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
