You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
