There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
