okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
