I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize