I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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