Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
