Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
