I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
