he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
