If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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