I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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