Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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