escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
