Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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