we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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