using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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