i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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